Empowering Men and women through midlife challenges
I’m Graham DuVall, The Midlife Guide. I’m the founder of Midlife Guidance LLC. This is a life coaching business for men and women in midlife. We’re not perfect but instead of avoiding challenges we face them. I am a leader in the field of how men overcome challenges and actualize their potential. I have direct experience of a variety of breakdowns and breakthroughs. I have extensive direct experience on why people break down and why people change.
This is not just bs theory, it is practical application and accountability which is what makes the work different from counseling. I’m compassionate for stories of wounding and will listen. However, what I am interested in is how you will make concrete changes that will help you take back control over your life and destiny. At the end of the day you have to create your own life.
I am dedicated to moving through the constant inevitable challenges life throws at us. I believe that our ability to overcome any obstacle or challenge that life throws at us is found right at the edge of our comfort zone. The first step is moving through avoidance towards facing our challenge. The key is simply getting on the path of growth. Then using tools and courage to overcome them.
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I don’t coach from just theory. My job is not coddling trauma, blame, and excuses for very long at all. I am very compassionate to pain but we just can’t stay there for long or we build an identity around pain, disempowerment, and victimization. My coaching is from direct lived practice and direct experience of overcoming all the things we may talk about. Addiction, depression, negative familial patterns, PTSD, divorce, debt, near bankruptcy, burnout, existential crisis, health breakdown of many kinds including erectile dysfunction, loss of purpose, confidence, drive, motivation. I have direct experience of truly overcoming many of life’s hardest challenges. Challenges do not need to end in permanent breakdown. What if they are simply vehicles of growth?
Are your patterns deep trauma or attachment related wounds or are you stuck with mental or physical blocks? Do you lack motivation or time management? Are you making choices to what feels good to ease discomfort or pressure versus doing the right thing because you know you need to do it.
The work here is rewiring the brain despite the conditioning we receive to distract and our patterns of running toward pleasure and away from pain. Instant gratification is a root of societal disease and comes with a big cost. You will be a slave to it forever until you free yourself.
Many of us need life coaching and accountability so we can perform better in life. Just like an athlete hiring a coach for training. If athletes train for higher performance shouldn’t that be an answer for many of the blocks and excuses or blaming of why we aren’t showing up like who we are capable of becoming. Are we serving the negative aspects of our egoic self and addictions or to something greater than ourselves we believe in and are inspired by?
Men Overcoming Challenges is not only a program for men. I coach women and couples as well who choose to do this work. I specialize in men as a man but also support women through many of their biggest challenges. The focus is always progressive personal responsibility and creating opportunities for breakthrough during challenges by stopping the running away from and slowly moving toward our growth edge.
For men to achieve their goals and dreams a man must work through certain programming, conditioning and patterns inherited from family and culture. These bad sources of guidance will say it’s ok to numb and distract yourself. It may say, It’s ok to withdraw or ignore problems. “No one understands me or what i go through.” It also says, “Tough it out.” It also says “you don’t need help.”
As men withdraw from responsibilities then It may create a big challenge in the home. A typical pattern we see is when men pull back their energy then women may need to harden and close part of themselves down in order to become the provider. They may seek to protect themselves from lack of emotional support from their husbands and partners. Men, this is called abandonment. The opposite pattern is also true as men throw themselves in work, and activities outside the home. Men do this to avoid or deal with the emotional volatility of the challenges. These are the excuses of “the provider.” This is called abandonment and does end well. Women may in turn separate from husbands and be blamed as home wreckers when it was the men who “left” long before.
The pattern in relationships where men abandon tackling the real issues leads to women hardening to handle what needs to get done. Lack of respect and trust amplifies.This role reversal often kills the intimate and sexual magnetism that once brought the couple together and supported them working through the hard things. Commitment is a present moment experience, not an idea. The respect and adoration his partner originally gave him he no longer earns. Respect and adoration are earned each day. There is no exoneration here. The pain for men not feeling trusted and respected is crushing for him. He may then begin to really blame his partner and circumstances.
It’s all lies, men, excuses, all projections. The work is stepping forward into growth and taking the journey in becoming a better man. We may not know who we will become by taking the journey and we cannot control the outcomes of our lives including separation and divorce. All we can do is choose to be on the journey to better ourselves regardless of the challenges and chaos of our lives.
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For men to achieve their goals and dreams a man must work through certain programming, conditioning and patterns inherited from family and culture. These false sources of guidance say it’s ok to numb and distract yourself. It says, It’s ok to withdraw or ignore problems. The voice in one’s head also says,” no one understands you or what you go through.” It says, “Tough it out.” It may say, “you can’t do it.” Then of course you flee with your tail tucked between your legs. It also says “you don’t need help.” As men withdraw in one way or another including simply letting women take charge then women may harden and close part of themselves down in order to raise children or protect themselves from lack of emotional support from their husbands and patterns. Men, this is called abandonment. The opposite pattern is also true as men throw themselves in work, and activities outside the home. Men do this to avoid or deal with the emotional volatility of the challenges. These are the excuses of “the provider.” This is called abandonment and does end well. Women may in turn separate from husbands and be blamed as home wreckers when it was the men who “left” long before.
The pattern in relationships where men abandon tackling the real issues leads to women hardening to handle what needs to get done. This role reversal often kills the intimate and sexual magnetism that once brought the couple together and supported them working through hard things. Commitment is a present moment experience, not an idea. The respect and adoration his partner originally gave him he no longer earns and then he in response of the pattern shuts down further in reaction to the pain or that loss and blames it on whatever his story is about his wife. She’s this… or she’s that….
It’s all lies, men, excuses, all projections. The work is stepping forward into growth and taking the journey in becoming a better man. We may not know who we will become by taking the journey and we cannot control the outcomes of our lives including separation and divorce. All we can do is choose to be on the journey to better ourselves regardless of the challenges and chaos of our lives.
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Here is the Soul work you are on earth to do. You gradually start to own 100% responsibility for yourself and all your actions regardless if you are “triggered” by someone, especially our significant others. This is the path back to yourself. The path to wholeness. When you stop pointing to anything outside yourself as the problem, then you are free to return to yourself as a whole or “Holy” man.
This is a long process and the work of our lives so if you find you are triggered by these words, but still curious and open then this work is for you. We have to find our way through the layers of anger and grief and through the pain of abandoning ourselves along the journey.
We abandoned the beauty of our potential and purity long ago and settled for being a victim to life circumstances.
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If you numb, escape, distract, ignore, bypass or anything else that our culture says is normal behavior. (It does so by all the legal drugs it pushes such as television, media, movies, junk food, alcohol, and anything else feeding instant gratification and hedonic pleasure.) The reason this is the way it is because the leaders of our modern culture do not want the majority of men to be strong, heart centered, devoted men. That type of man does not put up with b.s. aimed at him or his family. He becomes very powerful indeed as a warrior of the heart.
He knows he is not perfect, always a work in progress. He is called forth to show up more boldly to make better choices for his health, relationship, and purpose as a provider and/or family man. This type of integrated whole masculine man does not flee from discomfort but knows that within discomfort is his salvation. In that holy space between stimulus and response he finds his freedom as Victor Frankl taught us from his experiences in nazi concentration camps.
Experience and Qualifications
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Founder
I am uniquely qualified to guide clients through the majority of midlife challenges life brings. I have walked and personally overcome mental health challenges including depression and anxiety, addiction, ptsd, divorce, burnout, existential crisis, and a host of health challenges such as burn out, hormonal dysregulation, arthritis, auto immune issues, and erectile dysfunction. A have walked a path of healing and personal empowerment while rebooting my life professionally, parenting, and working toward a blended family.
I am a long term entrepreneur serving the local food community. I am also a father and have been dedicated to self improvement for the last 15 years. I have witnessed direct re-wiring of my brain, nervous system, physiology, and psychology through lots of work, persistence, and time. My journey has certainly had many messy moments. One of my strengths is self awareness and then making amends.
Founder Mother Earth Food, B.S. Psychology, Heroic Certified Coach, NASM-CPT, extensive Nutrition expertise, Wim Hof Method certified coach.
Father, and have successfully undertaken the hero’s journey as defined by Joseph Campbell.
